Sorry that it's been so long, over a month I understand. Things have
come up. I've finally finished the site with the exception of the
"Recommended" link above, I'm still working on that. There isn't much
that's new, I finished the second book in the Doubleshear series, began
editing it ( still editing the first, too ), and I'm on the fourth
chapter of the third book. I'm also working on a little project where
I'm going to write ten short-stories ( cliffhangers ) and publish them
all in one small book. I got the image I needed for my cover of the
second book ( thanks, it's perfect, you know who you are :) ). I plan to
be on fictionaut,
soon, too. That's all
I can think of for now. :)
I only have second to write this, but today was a great day. It went well, is all I can say. I re-did this site, completely, the design, programming,
and all. I hope you like it. Not all the links are functional yet, and the comments system isn't up-and-running yet, but it should all be done by tomorrow.
Send comments to sparrow@directoryadmin.info . Thanks!
Isn't life kind of like a march? One descision, or step, after another. Thousands of these little steps can lead you
in the right direction, or the wrong on. Who you decide to spend time with, who you love, who you hate.
Admist coaxing a broken flashlight to work (actually the light that was on my bike when I nearly totaled it)
in the middle of the night, I wrote that quote/poem spontaneously. I wasn't sure what it meant at the time... Now it's very obvious what it means, that my life has too much instability, insanity. That I, somewhere,
have made the wrong decision.
Yet, somewhere, I know I've made the right one, or I wouldn't know the things I do, I wouldn't have met the people I know, the few I care
about. Every decision leads to the next.
Anyway, I've been working a lot lately. A lot on programming, web design ( making Kait a nice layout for Likes Bird Lit ), and writing. I exercise
daily now, I ride at least five miles a day. I should probably post what my old front tire looks like, I still have it, but I can't find the camera. It looks kind of like a taco, haha. Also, I've added
something where you can show old posts on this page, because my custom-made blog isn't as feature-full as wordpress yet and doesn't have a fancy calender, haha.
One of those days
May 22, 2010.
"Give me a flag
And I will control the wind
Give me a medal
And I will control success
Give me my freedom
And I will control life
"
It was a pretty typical Saturday. It rained, although not much.
Just enough so I had time to work on an animation for a game I'm developing, do some writing, and talk to some friends. I took my
sister for a bike ride today, she learned how to skid her tires for the first time. On a wet wooden bridge, she saw me lock the breaks
by accident, and imitated me. Interesting how we learn, I think.
The animation I'm working on involves 521 moving dominoes to make up the
logo of the game, Reinhold Mansion. It took over 3gb of memory just to generate the key frames for the animation, I couldn't imagine
how much time it would take to render. I hope a friend of mine has his server up soon so I can render on it. My little overclocked Core 2 Duo
at 3ghz is a little slow for rendering large animations.
I began writing another story today. I'm not sure what I'll title it yet,
but it will probably be published before Doubleshear. I think I'll use it as practice, before I publish my larger books. I plan it to be a
novella, but who knows what will happen. The book is about two spies, whom working together choose a dangerous mission, only to find
themselves somewhat cheated by the ones they work for, and fighting for their lives. I won't give any more away. That's already too much, haha.
The rest of the weekend should be nice, I think. Tomorrow I'm visiting some friends
at a restaurant, and afterwards is a concert. Also, I plan to fix the comment thing this weekend also. Sometimes your comments appear, other
times they don't. PHP keeps crashing on the server, so I'm just going to re-write it in Perl, or solve the PHP issue. Not sure how I would do the latter,
if anyone has a solution to PHP segfualting with the fast-cgi script for Debian email me at sparrow[@]directoryadmin[dot]info.
Enjoy life ;)
Days left: uncounted.
May 19th, 2010.
"..silence.."
Today was a good day. I got stuff done, and for once in a while, I enjoyed myself. I got some food, sat down, and watched a movie.
The movie was all right, "Men Who Stare at Goats". I put off programming, and the general stress I deal with daily. I haven't played a single game in over a week -and I'm a big gamer. There's more important
things in life.
You've probably noticed I don't have a quote for today, and that's because I haven't thought of one. Now, once I get ready for bed and
begin to write I probably will ( and post it for tomorrow's post ), but today I didn't think about writing. I thought about other things. Freedom, for instance. Happiness. I've been thinking about
moving, though, and that
does make me someone depressed.
I'm going to start writing again. At least one hour a day - a minimum of 50,000 words a month. I enjoy it, so I think I should. It shouldn't
hurt anything. I'm not quite sure why I stopped in the first place. I think it had to do with other things, for one I'm only able to be on the computer from 6 - 9 PM, and in that time I do what programming and
talking with friends I can. I plan to enjoy the time I have left here in Greensburg.
You've also probably noticed that in the title of this post I haven't counted the days I have left. I already do that too much, especially in school.
Every day I look to the the clock at 1:20 PM and know that in five hours it will seem like the few hours from the end of the day went by like nothing; every day. It makes time seem to go so fast. It makes it
feel so linear. I'm not going to count every single damn day I have left, I'm going to enjoy them instead. There's no enjoyment in saying how many days you have left with the people you've come to know
for the last four years.
There's people who don't want to spend time with me at all, for whatever unexplained reason. Power to them. If that's what they want,
you know who you are. I respect that.
Ways of thinking
May 18th, 2010.
"....If two balls can come toward each other, you know what they do. Just as importantly you know what they don't do. They don't turn blue, they smash to bits...."
The above quote is from well-known physicist Richard Feynman.
He was a genius. I'm not completely sure if I got the quote right, but what he's trying to say is the things that we do not know are as important
as the things we do. This isn't the way people normally think, they don't normally say, "Well, I don't know how many times a second the pistons
in my car engine are rotating positions," they say something along the lines of, "I know it's going at approximately three-thousand rotations per minute."
I'm posting this because I'm amazed at how people generally do not consider the things
that they don't know - the hidden variables. How often they just assume something works, and that's it. Most people don't think of the mechanism of a pen
when it's clicked. Most don't think of the ( very outdated ) design of their car engine. Perhaps I think too much.
The life we're given is not long, for most people under a hundred years. Although so much can
happen in that time, more will happen outside of that time also. I think it's a very boring way to view life as a linear path.
It's not linear at all, it's quadratic. It scatters, jumps, picks up speed and slows again.
Anyway, I hope someone gets something from this. :)
A regular day
May 17th, 2010.
Blame it on the cold
Blame it on the hail
Even blame it on the engines
That you knew would fail
But it will always haunt you
That you didn't do your best
Perhaps someone should remind you
You're not like all the rest.
Today has been an intresting day.
Here's what I go through every school day:
1. Wake up
2. Get to bus either late or incredibly early
3. Get to school
4. Deal with ex-gf.
5. Eat breakfast -avoid people who want me to fix things for them...
6. Get on Vo-Tech bus.
7. Ignore Chad and Scoot.
8. Slap Scoot.
9. Talk to friends.
10. Go to class, program until 10:55.
11. 6 though 9 again.
12. Lunch then classes.
13. Go home :)
The reason I say all this is because I wanted
my blog to be a bit more... personal, for me. The above quote is something I wrote last year. It's pretty self-explanatory.
Today was a very boring day. I honestly wish it had more excitement. I would like to go places, but it's raining.
Last night was my last meeting that will occur at my church. Ever. I've been in SMX I believe for almost a year. It feels like a lifetime.
Everything that I can remember that has any importance to me and is relevant has occurred as long as I've been going to SMX ( student ministries for Christ ).
It's very depressing, but it's also exciting. This week we're going to a restaurant and then a concert. It will be fun, and hopefully an enjoyed farewell.
Life moves when you don't. There's no point in staying still, in thinking your next action. Don't waste any more time doing what you don't like unless it's really necessary.
That's my post for today :)
Thoughts
May 16th, 2010.
Hearts can sing
A heart can burst
Hearts can be pure
A heart can be stone
They want my heart at the right spot
Yet I look over then below, away
There it strikes to the left two, three, four
I've been thinking (you'll notice I do that a lot) about life lately. About the inner workings of it,
about a girl I know who's moving 500 miles away in just a few months, about what will happen at my youth group after I move, about my possible future as a freelance writer,
about college. Life's too damn short.
Almost every morning I have the same breakfast. Four pieces of peanut-butter toast and a cup of
steaming hot green tea. I pace while the bread is toasting. I pace when I spread the peanut butter onto the toast. I pace while my tea is heating. So much repetitive thinking.
And that's where the quote above comes in.
The quote is from a song, "Links 2, 3, 4" by Rammstein. I like nearly all music. From the classical you get on the low
AM frequencies to metal. The song is relevant because it's about marching, "to the left, two, three, four," and about the world wanting your heart in a certain place. Even when that place moves
like a stick in a hurricane. I guess marching and pacing are similar to me somehow. Perhaps I'm being too literal. Both the song and pacing help me think. Both the song and the mind are
beautiful things, in their own ways.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like not to worry. How terrible that would be. Now, my "personality profile" classifies
me as an unemotional, logical thinker. This is only half true. To be logical you have to count variables like emotion. Human logic without emotion is like a stone without mass.
Computer logic is unemotional. I used to think these personality
test things were completely bogus, until I took one. It only got these two things wrong (besides what I stated above) about me:
1. That I dislike happy people. That's not true, I dislike
annoying happy people. :)
2. That I would support the trafficking of marijuana. WTF?
The world is an amazing place. ;)
My first entry
May 15th, 2010.
"While pondering the wonders of wisdom
I stumble across the doorsteps of ignorance."
I think this quote is appropriate for my first blog entry. While deciding to start this page on my writing site, I wondered if I would actually be accomplishing anything.
I honestly think the main reason I'm starting this is so I can post my thoughts without being bombarded by those on facebook. And, it would be an interesting experiment.
I have a friend with a tattoo that reads, "
All of life is an experiment.". I'm not going to claim to know who said this exactly, but I think
it's one of the best quotes I've ever read -mainly because it's true. It must be the greatest experiment ever.
I think that's all I'm going to add for my first entry. I'll add more as it comes to me.
EDIT: I almost forgot, the writings around here as of now are old. Please forgive me for that, I have to get around
to updating them.
